This Is How To End An Argument.

Prov.15:1 - "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger."

• One Premarital Counseling Session

 It was the only premarital counseling session that I ever had like it. The young and innocent were before me on this one special day. I got to the part where I try to help them when they have their first fight.
 
He informed me, "We are never going to have a fight. We are in love."
I said, "What?"
He said it again, "We are never ever going to have a fight. We are in love."
 
How foolish of me not to know that.
 
You can only imagine what was running through my mind.
 
Well, I didn't push on this issue and let it drop. I am sure they probably talked about me when they got into their car to leave. I can hear them saying, "Wow, the preacher really doesn't know what he is talking about if he thinks we are going to ever have a fight."
 
Well, I did see them again. The first time in my office their chairs were right next to each other, they were holding hands and looking into each other's eyes. This time their chairs were apart, they were not holding hands and they would not even look at each other.  

• Words

Words have a way of really getting us into some hot water. I found out that he had said some things that really hurt her and the more he said the worse the situation became.
 
I commended them for calling and making an appointment to come in and at least get some counseling. We were able to work together this time, as they now were ready to listen.
 
Words of truth will not do you any good if you will not listen to them.
 
When the time arrives listen to these words - "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger."

• Words of Wisdom From Dr. Roger Chambers 

Roger and I were speaking together at a men's retreat in PA. in the 1980's. This event gave us a lot of time to talk with one another as we were bunked in the same building. I will never forget this one nugget of advice that he gave me, "Just because something is true doesn't mean it has to be said." Wow! Now that is money in the bank folks. 
 
How many times have we said something that was true and all it did was exacerbate the situation?  

• Words of Wisdom From Solomon 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." We all know Solomon is really on to something here. The problem most of us have is we know this scripture is correct but it is so hard to practice.
 
I mean really if someone is yelling at you the last thing you want to do is give a soft or gentle answer. You want to yell back and one up the ante. He/she said something hurtful so it becomes an "Oh Yeah", well take this and we serve up another red-hot put down on our loved one. Who then has to throw back something more hurtful and the cycle is vicious and ugly. 

• One Couple's Solution 

I found this to be a great solution for couples that may be headed the wrong direction in an argument. The wife told me that when her and her husband get into a fight he is always the one who diffuses it by following the advice of Solomon. She said this is what he says, "He quotes their anniversary date and then says, I love you and would do again."
 
Now she doesn’t want him to do that because she wants to continue the fight because in her mind she hasn't won the argument, but when he says this she thinks no matter what I say I can't win now, so she drops it.  
 
The argument is over and putting it in the words of Solomon - "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger."  This same approach can be used in the work place and with friendships.

• Your Solution 

Have a plan in your playbook that if an argument is getting started how to diffuse it before any emotional damage is done.
 
Remember the words of Solomon - "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger."
 
You need to have something that you are going to say to your loved one, boss or friend that will be the gentle answer and turn wrath away.
 
You also might want to remember if you say the hurtful things it is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Are your ready to pay the price for the explosion and damage that will be caused by this behavior.
 
You say the hurtful things and they will not go away no matter how many times you say you are sorry.
 
So do yourself a favor and don't say them. Speak the gentle answers that bring the arguments to an end without hurting anyone.
 
Think on This:
 
In an argument the best weapon to hold is your tongue unless it is going to give the gentle answers.
 
When a person uses profanity to support an argument, it indicates that either the person or the argument is weak and probably both. 
 
Stay Pumped,
 
Gary A. Serago

Minister of God's Word